


Weeks

by que_mint_tea



Series: Weeks [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Deckerstar - Freeform, Deckerstar Post s4, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:13:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23698282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/que_mint_tea/pseuds/que_mint_tea
Summary: “Please don’t go I—I love you. I love you, please don’t leave!”Then he had looked at her like she had just lit the world, like she had given birth to the sun itself and placed it in the sky, brought life to everything, brought life to him…“…My first love was never Eve, it was you Chloe, always has been…”Then he had kissed her. But it was all too full of saddness, too fragile, she had felt like she was drowning and she tried desparately to cling to him for dear life.Then the unfamiliar whoosh of his wings.Then goodbye.Then nothing....or an exploration of Chloe's journey back to normal in Lucifer's absence after S4 finale.
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Mazikeen, Chloe Decker/Trixie Espinoza
Series: Weeks [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706668
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	Weeks

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I am very very new (like literally this is my first fic on AO3) and I just looooove Lucifer and the S4 finale had me in tEaRs so I decided to do a little something exploring the aftermath. 
> 
> Please be warned:  
> \- some mention of drug consumption and alcohol  
> \- very much sadness, like, a lot...but, like, beautiful, poetic sadness :)
> 
> Enjoy!!

Week I

She’d tried it all. The first week after he’d spread his unnervingly perfect, gleaming wings and left her on his balcony, right after she proclaimed her love for him, asking—nay, _begging_ him to stay, she drowned herself in alcohol. Hell, she’d even taken some unnamed drug from Maze’s hand and swallowed it with an intangible expression on her face. Maybe it would make it all better. Maze decided humans were complicated like that, when they grieved. Chloe Decker was a detective, she worked for the LAPD, she followed nothing but the stupid human rules, and yet she let them all go and took the pills because of the dull ache in her chest. Because Lucifer was way down below lording over Hell and she was here on Earth, living her stupid little mortal life like the rest of them. The dim glow of lights of the club and bodies moving, the thuds of a base traveled their way into what felt like the inside of her brain and, for a moment, she couldn’t remember her own name. She was happy, being nothing and nobody, letting the sleepiness sedate her. Maybe Maze was right. Maybe the drugs were helping.

No. No they weren’t. Nothing was helping and she’d known that all along, but was it so wrong to yearn for a little oblivious bliss? To wish for that bone-numbing ache to go away?

Maze ached for him too—for her Lucifer—she was the keeper of his flame after all, and when he was so unreachably far away it felt like a part of her was missing too. After she’d found out he left she was furious, smashing every bottle of whiskey and vodka and whatever that hell was even in those amber-coloured bottles of his elegantly lit bar. She hated that he left—no, she hated that he left _her_. But she also knew why he did, and speaking of, the ‘why’ was stumbling limply through the dance floor high out of her mind. Maze decided that was enough for the night.

Week II

The following week was nothing short of a massive hangover, Chloe Decker concluded downing her third shot of espresso that morning. She was back at the precinct burying herself in her work— not that it was helping because _every bloody second_ reminded her of Lucifer with his stupid witty banter and his perfectly husky voice, like dark chocolate and mint, like the smell of his cologne, like the words that escaped the tip of her tongue when it was all too late. They never seemed to cease echoing through her mind…

_“Please don’t go I—I love you. I love you, please don’t leave!”_

_Then he had looked at her like she had just lit the world, like he had given birth to the sun itself and placed it in the sky, brought life to everything, brought life to him…_

_“…My first love was never Eve, it was you Chloe, always has been…”_

_Then he had kissed her. But it was all too full of saddness, too fragile, she had felt like she was drowning and she tried desparately to cling to him for dear life._

_Then the unfamiliar whoosh of his wings._

_Then goodbye._

_Then nothing._

_Then she was alone on his balcony._

“Chloe!” 

Came a yell more than anything, and lifting her tired eyes she saw Dan’s brooding posture standing over her at her desk.

“Chloe, honestly, what the hell even? I mean at first I thought you were just sad because of Lucifer’s careless ass abandoning you _again—“_

The emphasis reminded her of the many times Lucifer had already done this, left her like she was some stale nothing, like when she opened up about her vulnerability towards him, like when she almost died of poisoning and he had come back married. Fake-married, actually. Ella had told her the whole story from what she learned with Lucifer in Vegas. And that time on her birthday, he had left and she was so, so afraid that this time it would finally be it. That he would never show. But he had come back. This time, though, she didn’t even know anymore. She looked back up at Dan who was understandably frustrated because he thought this was just the same thing Lucifer always did. Somewhere deep down Chloe wished she could think like him, pretend Lucifer would come bouncing back with his outcry of “Detectve!” and that everything would be fine.

“—but now I’m worried, Chlo because that dickhead shouldn’t have that type of power over you and you knew that all along. He always leaves, its just part of his selfish playboy act. I mean look at what this—what _he_ has done to you, have you even slept?”

She hadn’t actually, but she wasn’t even bothered. She wasn’t even anything. She was just empty.

“Chloe, are you even listening!? Oh my god, this is—this is beyond unhealthy. I’m speaking to the Lieutenant to give you some time off.”

“No!”

She cried out, her temples were pounding and—had speaking always been this hard? Maybe it was the headache from the alcohol.

“No, Dan, don’t be stupid. If anything work will help me get back to normal, it always has. You know that.”

She looked at him with her piercing blues and his expression softened. Yes, he did know. 

“Alright. Okay Chloe, but you have to promise me you’ll let me know if you need anything. _Anything_ at all.”

“I promise, Dan. I’ll be fine, I just need some time.”

He touched her hand briefly, squeezing it and shot her a concerned smile. Then he nodded and walked away to his own desk. She just needed some time.

Week III

The third week after he left was worst of all. Not because the dull ache in her chest still wouldn’t budge, not because Trixie had come back from her stay with Dan’s parents and wouldn’t stop asking questions about Lucifer, and definitely not because Chloe went back to his penthouse and stole half of his wardrobe trying desperately to cling onto his lingering scent, but it seemed to have evaporated. No, the third week was worse because everything seemed to be slowly falling back into place. 

She was back to solving cases, much to Dan’s and, well, everyone’s surprise. She no longer just sat at her desk lifelessly staring at the seeming void before her eyes and called it ‘work’. No, she was questioning suspects and finding clues and asking Ella for details. She was back. She even had a game night with Trixie and Maze, who, like the dutiful friend of the Lord of Hell, had moved back in with the Deckers. 

_“To look after you, protect you in his absence, Decker. He’d want that.”_

Maze had explained to her why she wanted to be let back into their home. Chloe knew it was more than that, she knew Trixie meant a lot to Maze and she knew that, soulless demon from Hell or not, Maze needed someone to get through all this too. She missed him.

On the Friday of the third week, the three of them had visited Linda and Amenadiel, they smiled down at baby Charlie who apparently had still showed no signs of wings or other abnormal angelic powers—

“But that’s absolutely, completely fine—”

Amenadiel had stated over and over again, convincing himself more than anyone.

“—Even if he’s not some angelic warrior I still love him because he is my son.”

Yes, apparently Lucifer’s angelic brother was absolutely, completely and utterly _fine_ even if his son was more human than anything else. On the ride home from the rendez-vous at Linda’s the Decker squad chuckled sleepily at Amenadiel’s mini crisis and Chloe smiled wondering how Linda could even deal with this. 

And that’s exactly why it had been the worst week yet. Because she smiled. Because once things were slipping back into place after Lucifer’s chaotic exit, she finally felt somewhat at peace. Everything felt normal. And that realisation came like a cold slap in the face, she could no longer pretend to suppress the guilt bubbling up in the pit of her stomach; she felt normal _without him._

She bit her lip attempting to stop the tears from falling, but it was too late. How could she feel normal _without him_? How could she dare to smile while he was down in some dark, damp pit of Hell, away from everything he had grown to love, away from her? He let everything he had ever wanted go, left his luxurious playboy lifestyle, left Lux—what he had learned to call his home, left LA, left a future that maybe, just maybe they could have shared together…He left it all to protect her and Charlie, to protect Earth from stupid bloody demons. She laughed through the tears and her face felt like it was cracking open. The Devil. _Fucking Satan Himself_ was a fucking selfless idiot, a hero more than anything, and yet the world would never see him as anything but evil incarnate. She almost heard his voice in her head:

_“Bloody humans. Can’t get enything right.”_

Week IV

On the fourth week she finally built up her courage to go see Linda. She had dreaded this visit knowing that no matter what it would leave her sobbing her heart out into paper thin tissues on that weirdly comfortable couch while the blonde therapist gave her _that look._

Chloe Decker didn’t want pity, she didn’t want sympathy or affirmative nods or talks about her feelings. She just wanted him. She wanted to hug Lucifer and smell his expensive cologne and pet his tiny stubble and drown in his eyes and—

“You don’t have to be okay, Chloe.”

Linda spoke softly and Chloe looked up from the button on her shirt she was fidgeting with, wondering for a moment how it was still even attached to her shirt. She realised it wasn’t.

“You don’t even have to be remotely fine. You have been through so, so much these past few months, anyone else would have already dug a hole in the dirt for themselves and hid in it far, far away from the world.”

“Honestly, I’ve thought about doing that.”

She half-smiled attempting to lighten the dreary mood, Lind gazed back at her.

“I—...it’s just that I feel like an idiot.”

Chloe looked down again for a moment, the silence felt somewhat inviting and her words seemed stuck in her throat anyway.

“A monster even. Sometimes I want to claw at my skin because everything feels so _wrong. …_ because why should _he_ suffer?”

She choked on her tears. And it hadn’t even been ten minutes into the session. _Well done, Chloe_ , she thought to herself. 

“Why should _he_ suffer for _me_?”

Week V

On the fifth week Chloe almost tried the drugs again. She asked Maze where she had gotten them and if there was more, but Maze was less than happy with the turn of events.

“No, Decker. This isn’t you. Once was enough, those things can harm you.”

Seeing Chloe’s heavily lost expression Maze softened her tone. As much as she wanted to ignore it, it hurt seeing Chloe like this.

“Look, I know you’re hurting or whatever, but it’s not worth it. Trix needs you, the real sweet-mommy-Decker-you, not the sad walking zombie.”

Chloe nodded then, remembering her sweet sweet daughter and her brown doe eyes. They reminded her of something…

That week at her session, Linda had told Chloe to _“Take tiny steps back towards normal.”_ She didn’t really know what that meant anymore, but she knew she had to try. She owed it to everyone: to Maze who was always there for her to lean on, especially on days that felt so heavy she couldn’t lift herself from her bed. She owed it to Ella who let her cry into her shoulder the countless times she pulled Chloe in for a hug in the police interrogation room. She owed it to Trixie who had stopped asking questions or even mentioning Lucifer’s name and skipped asking for bedtime stories when her mommy looked sad. She owed it to Linda who tried her best to keep her sane, to help her move forward no matter how bloody heavy each step felt. She owed it to Dan who took care of Trixie and reminded Chloe to get meals or go home when she forgot every once in a while. She owed it to Amenadiel who tried and tried to fly down to Hell to visit Lucifer, despite having little luck as The Gates were tightly sealed once again. She owed it to everyone who had been so patient with her…

…and most of all she owed it to Lucifer. Despite anything, she knew he would want her to get better, to be _okay_.

**Author's Note:**

> So...I hope that wasn't too sad or anything. I'm just so fascinated by exploring how characters tackle such changes and the journey they go through to slowly find themselves again...honestly Chloe Decker is a miracle (literally too!)
> 
> Aaanyway I was thinking of making this into a series, so the next chapter would be about Lucifer in Hell and his journey back into himself too (and ofc eventually deckerstar reunite!! obvi!!) but idk if I should continue this... what do you think?
> 
> Would looove any feedback or anything at all so please please reach out to me!  
> Love!  
> Peace!  
> Spread the rainbowwww ;)


End file.
